But I did want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who takes the trouble to stop by here and comment, and to wish you all a very Happy Christmas and the best of New Years.
I hope this joke gives you a giggle.
With Christmas coming, here’s a fruitcake recipe that will help take the stress out of this normally stressful time.
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
3 oz lemon juice
1 cup nuts
1 gallon Absolut Vodka
First sample the vodka to check for freshness. Take a large bowl. Check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup of the vodka and drink it. Repeat. Repeat again.
Turn on electric mixer; beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add water, eggs and 1 tsp sugar and beat again.
Make surr the vodka is still OK. Cry another tup.
Turn off mixers. Chuck in the cup of dried fruitt or something. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck on the beaterers, pry it loose with a Drewsciver.
Sample the vodka to check for consistancity.
Next sniff two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the vodka. Now sniff the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 350 degrees. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Whip the bowl out the window. Check the vodka again.
Go to bed. Who the hell likes *!#&*^$ fruitcake anyway.
A Christmas Meme
I saw this on Jo’s blog http://lifeinwindermere.blogspot.com/ and as it’s Crimbo, I thought I’d enter into the spirit and play along. Feel free to join in, if you wish.
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. I’m one of those sick individuals who actually likes wrapping presents.
2. Real tree or Artificial? It has to be real, messy, but I love the smell.
3. When do you put up the tree? The weekend before Christmas.
4. When do you take the tree down? On the twelfth day of Crimbo.
5. Do you like eggnog? No, it’s too sweet.
6. Favourite gift received as a child? A doll’s house.
7. Hardest person to buy for? My dad.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Mick, he’s easily pleased.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? No.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards. Mail.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? When I first moved to California, my mother-in-law always sent me tights (hose), in that ghastly shade of American tan. (Well, she was in her late 70’s then, bless her, and I suppose they were cheap to mail). The thing is, I hardly ever wore tights in California, and certainly not American tan.
12. Favourite Christmas Movie? The Great Escape. I know, I know, it’s not a Christmas movie, but they used to show it every year in England at Christmas, so I always associate it with the holiday.
13. When do you start shopping? Usually, end of October through November. I like to get everything sorted out before Thanksgiving. I can’t bear the madding crowds of Black Friday onwards.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I don’t think so, though I may have put some in the bin.
15. Favourite thing to eat at Christmas? Turkey with all the trimmings.
16. Lights on the tree? Of course, but not the flashing ones, I hate those.
17. Favourite Christmas song? There are a few, all ancient, but I like them anyway. Do they know it’s Christmas by Band Aid, Mistletoe and Wine by Cliff Richard, I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday by Roy Wood, and White Christmas by Bing Crosby. For carols, I think Silent Night.
18, Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home. Christmas in England is always so much more fun than the US, but I hate travelling in winter, and I hate flying anytime.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? No.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Neither, I don’t put anything on top of the tree.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? The crowds, and the commercialism.
23. Favourite ornament, theme or color? A few miniature sweaters I knitted my self.
24. Favourite for Christmas dinner? Turkey and all the trimmings.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? For a publisher to show some interest in my book.